You are one delusional, little girl.
You’ve got nobody fooled but yourself, my dear.
I know you inside and out, from one extreme to the other. You are selfish, manipulative and one of the ugliest human beings I have ever met in my entire existence. When I think of you, I literally think of a trash bag. Your body is just a body, there is no soul, no real person, no heart. I cannot think of a single positive thing about you, you have nothing to offer anyone. You’re life of pity and attention-seeking does nothing but fill you with garbage. It’s like, your entire purposeless life has consisted of taking in all of the shitty traits of the people you’ve befriended and molding them all into one. You strive to be psychotic, you depend on everyone for everything and have no personal goals besides who you can use next. The best part of it all is, you think you’ve got everyone fooled ,but I saw you for exactly who you are and I hate you. Behind all of the lies and the attention outbursts, I know you better than you know yourself. My opinion is my own, unlike yours which changes depending on who you’re talking to. Keep living your life like you’re the star in Girl, Interrupted. I hope one day you take a step back and realize that YOU are the one who fucked everything up. Just like every single thing in your life, YOU fucked it up. Cry about it. Stop blaming others for YOUR actions. Man the fuck up and take some goddamn responsibility for once in your motherfucking life, you disposable, little cunt.
-So carve your apologies in your wrists, let the guilt drip from your fingertips.-
You want it, you got it, you’ve always been such a waste of time.
Fuuuuuck an apology, I’m not sorry for anything.
I always knew I meant nothing to you anyways.
Why did you even bother to call and text me?
Was it a joke? I replied and you didn’t. I knew I shouldn’t have. Stupid girl. Stupid fucking girl. All I will ever be is a joke to you. I wouldn’t even wish for you to go through this much pain. I guess that’s the difference between us. I wasn’t pretending.
Norah Jones - Don’t know why, keeps playing in my head.
I don’t deserve this.
I miss you (or who I thought you were)
I almost called you on valentines day. But I reminded myself that the you I remember, is not the real you. All of the memories I have are just a fairytale that we created. It’s the most beautiful, fucked up piece of my entire life. I still think about it all of the time, and I wonder if you do too. But again, I remind myself that you wouldn’t wonder, because wondering stems from caring, which is something you never truly did. So, I will continue my life, convincing myself that I don’t love you, I love the person I thought you were.
I had never been so happy in my life and I truly trusted you. What I actually fell in love with was this fairytale world that you made me believe in. And when I finally found out the truth, about the double life you were living, I ended up in the hospital.
I just want to say thank you. You may have caused me the most pain, but I don’t regret a single day of it. Thank you for it all because it made me stronger. I’m happy to say I’m independent and a mother of the most amazing 2 year old in the world. Remember that time you said you’d “ruin my life?” Well darling, my life is getting better while yours goes down the drain. Karma will always find its way. I wish you the best and I hope you get the help you need, instead of hiding in your world of addictions.
I have the worst short term memory, but the memories I have from the past are so real sometimes, its insane.
I just remembered when everyone in my 3rd grade class brought in a CD and played a song for the class, and jammed out to my favorite part, “Chickity China the Chinese chicken, you have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin.”
And every time I listen to “I’m not the one who’s so far away, when I feel the snake bite enter my veins” I picture driving in my dads truck, I can almost feel the wind through my fingers out of the trucks window. We were on our way to go fishing, I caught a bass that day.
I’m a Cancer, memories mean the world to me. The littlest things mean the most.
Mom Life Yo.
Yesterday Braidyn and I watched The Dark Knight and today we’re watching Batman Begins.
He liked the Dark Knight waaaaay more, he kept saying “woahhhhh” when an explosion or something would happen.
Anyways, I’ve been wanting to start a list of words/sentences that he comes out with now that he’s started trying really hard. Every time he says a new word or puts a small sentence together I can’t help but smile.
Apple Juuuu = Apple Juice
Tup = Cup
Cah che = Car Chair
Gigga = Tigga (the cat)
Mow = Meow
Nana doe = Banana and Cheerios
Up = Up
Mama = Mama
Eye = One
Eye also = Eye
Knee = Knee
Towww = Toe
Nani = Nana/Grammy
Pleh = Play
Moo = Moo
Boo = Blue
Ruh = Truck
Tah-tah = Tractor
Papa = Papa
Ah-da = Auntie
Yaya = Rich
Tash = Trash
Yesh = Yes
Num = Yum
Tubt = Tub
Wuh-wah = Love you
Almoo = Elmo
Rahhh = Monster
Woo-cah = Police Car/Fire Truck/Ambulance
Woah = Woah
Guh-guh = Sticker
Yah = Ya
New-new = Noodles
Do-doo = Thank you
Eeeen = Green
Ollo = Yellow
Bleh = Black
Hunnn = Sun
Cheesh = Cheese
Coo-coo = Coo-coo/crazy
No = No
Orry = Sorry
These are just some of what I can think of right now, this kid comes out with new words every day.
He says sentences like,
“Apple juuuu tup”
"Nani, coo-coo Nani"
"Hi Papa, bye Papa"
"Mama, boo tah-tah"
He also knows, ‘thank you, bird, please, more’ in sign language, (I think there are a few more but I can’t think of them off the top of my head.)
Can you make it any more fucking obvious?